This Changes Everything: The Test. Part One.

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Something told me that this late period was going to be much different from any other late period I’d ever had. I haven’t even craved chocolate for God’s sake! Typically when my cycle is near, late or not, I’m a crying, bloated, killer for chocolate, hormonal, attitudinal ass mess! This month, something was off.

My period has, since my surgeries last August, become pretty regular. I can expect it to start at least between the 3rd and the 6th of each month, but as the 11th rolled around… I got a little worried. No spotting, no pink, no nothing.

I’ve been taking a handful of natural, holistic, of-the-earth supplements every day aimed at fixing my hormonal imbalance; reducing my excess estrogen, lowering my insulin, restoring the vitamin and nutrient deficiency, and replenishing my ecosystem of good bacteria via probiotics. I’ve even shed 10 pounds, and have modified my diet. No gluten, soy, or dairy; at least 75% of the time.

…But my period hasn’t come. My suspicion: My endometriosis has regrown and taken over my ovaries again and my PCOS has caused cysts to reform that are triggering irregular periods. It’s been almost a year since my laparoscopy, and I can’t believe I’m in the same physical condition already!

I went to see an endocrinologist on Monday the 10th and he gave me some amazing information about PCOS and thoroughly explained what Metformin is and how it would help me out. What I liked about him, versus my GYN, is that he aims to target my hormonal imbalance and it’s affect on my entire body, whereas the GYN wants to target the hormones keeping me from getting pregnant. I want to fix my whole body, not just pieces of it. I returned the following morning to have EIGHT viles of blood extracted for many tests. The nurses say he’s thorough.

June 11, I sat downstairs watching The Braxton Family Values, my guiltiest pleasure ever! Tamar is my absolute favorite next to Toni! The season’s been following her throughout her pregnancy, and I don’t know what came over me or what about my mini-marathon triggered my reaction, but I ran upstairs, dug through a box, found a pregnancy test and peed on it…

Two pink lines: one dark, one faint.

Later on when Husband got home, I took the second one I had stashed away.

…Two pink lines: one dark, one faint.

Immediately, we knew it had to be a reaction to the all-natural, holistic, medicine man, juju pills that I’ve been taking. There’s no way, one little month of natural supplements could find or create a loophole in my infertility to get us pregnant. It just doesn’t work like that.

On the 12th, Husband and I went to Walmart to get an electronic pregnancy test. At this point for shits and giggles. We aren’t convinced at all we’re pregnant. It’s not possible, but where is my period? Why aren’t my boobs sore? Why haven’t I gone batshit crazy for some chocolate?

Husband is really scared that something is wrong. We’ve worked so hard to stabilize my body so far, hell I’ve been DRINKING LIQUID SILVER, and now we could possibly be back to square one.

But that’s the thing with the pregnancy tests with the lines, no matter what it reads, you can always convince yourself of a faulty outcome.

As soon as we got home, I peed on the electronic pregnancy test in the bathroom downstairs. It showed me a blinking timer, which gave me enough time to run upstairs to Husband. Of course I find that he is in the bathroom himself, so I slide the pregnancy test under the door to him. A few moments later, I hear a roar of laughter, and I sort of slump down, is an overwhelming cloud of emotions…

…The test reads “Pregnant.”