Breathe Again

Heard from Jai this morning.

She said Placement didn’t accept the conditional nomination. We have to wait until Mid-May when the new quarter opens up to see if there are spots available for us, which would make our conditional departure date April-June of 2014. But it’s okay.

I was pretty upset about this whole thing a few days ago, but now I’m alright with it. This gives me a lot more time to get my health in order. I have some “internal” issues that I’m 100% sure would have caused me fail the medical portion. There’s no way we would’ve made it to our January departure date even if Husband were qualified.

This also gives us a lot more time to pay off our credit card bills, pay off the huge amount that’s over due at NYU, and get a place of our own. I have decided to withdraw from NYU (for real for real this time) so that I can focus on my body rehab and not have to stress about it. Plus, what’s the point of moving to NY for just one year, or fitting the Peace Corps into those two years of the program. There are so many amazing graduate school opportunities for AFTER the Peace Corps, I know something will work out for me.

In the meantime, Husband and I will be looking for a place of our own because I cannot handle being in our parents’ homes for much longer. I am losing my mind. We have been living out of our element for about 4 months, and it’s affecting us tremendously. We’ll be moving to Athens, I’ll be finding a job just to pass the time by, help with bills, and spend these next few months getting well.

I have been up to my EYEBALLS in stress, trying to figure out where to go, what to do, how to make it work, what to choose, and I finally feel some relief. Granted, our plan ended up being one of the last possible options we wanted, but in the end it’s leading us to one of our goals that we felt was the farthest out of reach. We have been totally against staying in Atlanta, near or around it, but it’s what’s best at this point, AND we get to go to the Peace Corps some time next year!! So we’re game.

Things are finally looking up for us.

Sounds About Right.

Sounds About Right.

Life: 6 Jenn&Tommy: 0

My Husband and I must have been some horribly shitty people in our past lives because when I say that we cannot seem to catch a break, there is absolutely no exaggeration in those words, whatsoever!

It hadn’t even been 24 hours since our PC advisor Jai told us that she was nominating us for a program leaving in January, when we experienced our first real heartbreak. She informed me before we left her office that I would be hearing from the Medical Officers the very next day to expedite my medical forms for pre-clearance. Sure enough, by noon the next day I received the email. “Congrats on your nomination…” it started, and went on to include the EIGHT separate forms I’d need to have filled out and instructions on what materials to include.

It was official. My application status had been changed to “Nominated” and I was BEAMING with excitement. I called right away to my doctors and surgeons in Statesboro to make a day trip, three hours away, to personally drop off the forms and explain the importance of abiding by the instructions and meeting the deadlines. I have less than a month to submit the forms to the Medical Officers online. Jai also told me to be expecting an official nomination by that same morning, but it never came.

I waited and waited for the nomination email, but what I got instead nearly knocked me off my feet:

Caption via email

Caption via email

I was devastated. I cried as soon as I exited the email. I called Husband right away, and the first thing out of his mouth was, “I’m so sorry babe, this is all my fault.” I went from sad to livid in 2 seconds flat.

“No, it’s not your fault Husband. It’s HER fault. How could she miss something like that! You don’t go telling someone that you’re nominating them for a program and then say Ha just kidding your GPA isn’t high enough!! How did she miss that? That’s one of the first things she should have seen!”

At this point, I’m just over it. I’m over LIFE just shitting on us every chance it gets. Maybe Placement will consider letting us into the next program, if not, who knows when a program will pop up for the two of us. I simply responded to Jai letting her know that I am open to doing whatever it is that I can to open up our eligibility for programs. I’ll learn whatever skill, trade, or language is necessary to make sure we can get placed somewhere to serve sooner rather than later.

Jai dropped the ball with this one, but hopefully she’ll figure something out to make up for it.

The Wait is Over

We can finally breathe a little easier. We can breathe a lot easier actually, now that we have a direction. We don’t have to spend anymore time worrying and stressing about what is going to happen next for us, because now we know!!

I finally found out when registration starts for me back at NYU. I knew that general registration began April 22, so I assumed I was included because I am technically enrolled as a student. I have a $1,900 financial hold on my account and was told that if I could pay it within $1,000 then they’d work with me and let me register. I was able to go into the registration website and add my classes into a shopping cart until I was eligible to register officially. I was told last week MY registration date isn’t until May 20, which is awesome because that gives me a lot more time to pay on the amount. My OB/GYN is also still working on my letter to get me off the medical leave. Things are working out slowly in that department….

However,

Our Peace Corps interviews were yesterday.

photo-1

Our interviews were scheduled at 1:00, and we were there by 12:15!! From what we understood, we’d both have an individual interview, which lasts about 60-90 minutes, and then an interview together. Totaling 3 hours.

At one exactly, our advisor Jai walks over with a laptop in hand, and I go first. I am so nervous my stomach hurts! She asks me 18 questions, then we have a conversation about 8 topics, then the floor is open for questions. As soon as I begin answering her, she’s typing my every word, which makes me so nervous! I feel like a total idiot as I speak. An hour later, it’s Tommy’s turn. He’s not even a bit nervous. He’s as cool as ice.

As I sit in the lobby, surrounded by maps and volunteer photos, I’m watching the clock like a hawk. I hear so much laughing coming from the interview room. She didn’t laugh that much when I was in there. It’s past an hour now, and he’s still in there. Oh God, what is he saying to her! He must be stumbling. I bet she’s throwing trick questions as him….

75 minutes later, Husband comes to get me for the couple portion, and as I take a seat beside him I notice immediately that him and Jai are laughing and joking around. Wait… she LOVES him. He’s so comfortable, spitting out answers with little thought and all honesty, and here I am with nerves that are completely shot! Go figure. Husband just cannot meet a stranger.

Our couples interview was short, just a few joint questions and then lots of free time for us to address our own questions and concerns.

Well,

WE GOT NOMINATED!!!!!

I have no idea where we’re going yet, but Jai said she had NEVER nominated a couple right after interviewing them before. She told us she was working on something super specific for us, but the program is actually contingent upon my medical clearance. Husband won’t be bothered about medical stuff until later on in the summer, but I, on the other hand am supposed to be hearing from the Medical Office within 48 hours! This puts the pressure on me, because I am currently having some issues with/within my body and I’m very afraid I’ll ruin everything.

She says I have up until September to be completely medically cleared, which both IS and ISN’T a lot of time. If I am not medically cleared by September, then we could miss the program she’s working on! I was told that because of my medical history, my options for places to serve are limited. If I am not medically cleared, then I will just have to wait for the next round of nominations, which means a country within my restrictions, with spots for a couple, and with our specific skill needs, and who knows how long that could take.

It was all God in this! “It just so happened that with your regional limitations, that I have two spots open in a place you can serve, with both of your skillsets, that leave in JANUARY.” HOLY SHIT!!! January!!!!!! Husband and I have been thoroughly convinced that IF we’d get a nomination, it would be to leave in FALL of 2014…. January is practically tomorrow.

I am just so excited to have gotten nominated! I am BEYOND proud of us! It feels so good to be that much closer to achieving one of my ultimate life goals, and to be able to do this with Husband is a DREAM!! Of course, Husband is completely convinced that his charm alone got us in, but whatever, I’ll take it!! I was shouting from excitement the minute we hit the elevator!

We have a plan! We know what we’re working towards! It feels so amazing to have this huge burden lifted off of our shoulders. Granted, all of this is contingent on my medical clearance, but WE GOT IN!! WE GOT IN! WE GOT IN!!

When a Man Loves a Woman

I was so mad at Husband yesterday. I went on and on for an hour about how much more love I needed him to show me, and how much more I needed him to do. A lot of what I felt and said may have been valid in my own right, but since that conversation I’ve felt terrible. I have never known a man to love a woman, as much as my husband loves me, nor have I ever loved any single person as much as I love him. Sometimes, I don’t realize how much stress he really endures. I also don’t think I understand that despite how calm he acts on the outside, that it doesn’t mean he’s not completely overwhelmed on the inside…

…And I’ve given my husband many reasons to be incredibly overwhelmed with stress, fear, and worry. More than I may realize, and I’m just now suddenly taking notice. My husband is my backbone; he’s our pillar. He’s got to be, and I guess I’ve gotten so caught up in my own stress and my own lack of coping with it all, that I’ve forgotten that he too is a human being.

His wife is falling apart and still hasn’t turned up pregnant, he works with some of the most incompetent people I have ever heard of, our parents collectively are becoming too much to handle, and we’re still in between phases with the Peace Corps and grad school We’re basically in the middle of nowhere and he’s trying to make a run for it, but I can’t keep up.

I only know what it’s like, for me, to deal with news of infertility, trying to get back into the swing of things, trying to find ONE solid day where pain or sickness hasn’t consumed my every hour. I only know what it’s like for me, personally, to battle the fear, day in and day out, of never being able to have children, or being so completely overwhelmed with confusion and concern about what’s going to happen for us next, or feeling so completely powerless to my body and what’s going on with it. I don’t know what it’s like for him…

… I never even thought about it.

I never really once considered what HE may be feeling, seeing his wife sick and in pain everyday. I never really once considered the worry and concern that HE may have about our fertility troubles. I never really once considered how overwhelmed HE might be with the not-knowings of my medical wellbeing on top of all that other stuff he gets from every other direction.

But, according to my bitching yesterday, he still isn’t showing me enough.

When in actuality, he does.

He’s been there for every surgery, he’s been there for every stomachache, every pain and cramp, every prescription and every treatment. With every spell of nausea or discomfort, his world stops. He settles my soul after every conversation about the “what-ifs.” He is consistently THERE whenever I need him to be. He’s THERE even when I don’t need him to be. He is firm in his reassurance that no matter what happens, he’ll always be by my side, that he loves me more and more every day, and the happenings of my body don’t determine my degree of womanhood.

That man loves me more than he can express, and more than I can probably ever fathom. I am lucky. Lucky to have found the man that was specifically designed for me, and me alone…

…So yea, he could hug me more, or kiss me more, he could help me out a little more around the house, but my knowing how much he truly loves me will never falter.

I love you Husband, and you love me back, perfectly.

Soul Mates

Soul Mates

Left Behind

It’s finally hit me: The thought of going away to the Peace Corps with Husband and leaving Apollo behind. I can’t imagine being away from him for two years; I can hardly tolerate a weekend away without him. He’s such a huge part of my life. I was very skeptical of even having him join our family, but he’s become something so precious to me. He’s become a symbol of hope. He’s like a little person with a huge personality! He’s everything I could have ever wanted in a companion. (Besides my Husband) He’s always by my side, he loves me unconditionally, and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to just leave him behind.

I never understood how people could get so overly attached to their pets, or why they’d want to, but in this one short year, it all makes sense to me. It’s not about it being a human to pet relationship, or obedience vs submission, it’s about falling in love with a creature who loves you with all of their might, feeling needed and responsible for a life other than your own, it’s about knowing that no matter what you did, or who you are, or what bad shit you’re into, that creature will never judge you, never disappoint you, and never let you down.

Our Peace Corps interviews are now THREE days away, and although I’ve been struggling about this bit the entire time, it’s hitting me pretty hard now, especially when I think about the circumstances I’d be leaving him in. No matter how much I daydream about life in the Peace Corps, I have those moments where I have to ask myself whether or not I’d be able to leave Apollo behind. Here’s why I don’t think I can:

1. Apollo is my son. I say this all the time; I’ve even mentioned it in this post. He’s my Husband’s dog, but he’s my son. Apollo came into our home before I knew of our infertility troubles. We got him at just a few weeks old, so it’s safe to say I raised him. I endured that very frustrating puppy-crying-at-night phase, that god awful potty training phase, the sit-down-stay phase, and the “I am the boss of you” phase. All in all, Husband and I molded him into a very well behaved puppy, and when I got sick my love for him grew stronger. I’d come to terms in the depths of my mind that regardless of what the doctors said, I’d never be able to have kids. Apollo became that substitute for me. He’s a little spoiled because of that, but he’s a good baby. He’s the little child that, in my mind, I’ll never be able to have.

2. When I move, he moves. No matter where I go, there’s Apollo. I like it that way. I can always know what he’s into. He’s so inquisitive and he eats everything he can mouth! I don’t even like him being outside where I can’t see him. I feel so overwhelmed when Apollo isn’t around. On the rare occasion we go out of town without Apollo, I miss him with every inch of my being. I feel so disconnected. I feel naked almost. We’re a trio: Husband, Apollo and I, and when we’re separated, it’s as is our chemistry is off. How am I supposed to manage being away for 27 months?

3. Mom’s irresponsible. With Apollo at least. He came back from the doctor with very strict dietary guidelines. She’s got two dogs of her own, and honestly, I don’t trust her to be able to give Apollo the necessary attention he needs. One of the foods his vet recommended costs 20 bucks, and the bag isn’t even that big. But, it’s what will make him better so I buy it. She’s the type of parent, and I see this happening with our future children pending God’s approval, who will give him something against my specific instructions, saying “Shhh, don’t tell your mommy. This is yours and grandma’s secret” and then end up with the “Oh shit” face when he ends up having an allergic reaction to whatever it was. Unfortunately, unlike children, he’s reactions aren’t hives. He ends up with the worst runny eyes, exploding bowels, and terribly severe ear infections. She doesn’t know him like I do, she’s not every aware of his behaviors. I ALWAYS know when something isn’t right with him.

4. Mom’s house is a zoo. She’s got a yappy Yorkie who’s about 4 years old now, so spoiled and untrained. She wears dresses, and basically runs the house. She’s the pack leader in their dynamics. She still shits/pisses in the house for god’s sake. She’s also got a young golden retriever, who spends most of her time with nothing to do in the backyard or shoved into a kennel that is two sizes too small. She’s so unruly; she’s eating all of my mom’s light fixtures in the backyard!! Her and Apollo play so roughly. She’s a big dog and Apollo’s a miniature. She knocks him down the stairs all the time. When I’m here I keep those two separated, who is to say she’ll continue to do that with me gone for two years. She thinks their roughhousing is cute! Honestly, Husband and I say quite often that if my mom’s choice of dog food doesn’t kill him first, then her dog will!

5. Apollo’s coat mats so easily. Apollo is a miniature schnauzer, which means he’s a hypoallergenic breed, which also means he doesn’t shed. Because he doesn’t shed, his hair grows really long, really fast. If we miss ONE day of brushing him, he’s all matted up! He gets these big huge mats under his chest, on his legs, around his neck, and in the pockets of his hind legs. We shave his coat down ourselves to keep costs down. I have absolutely no faith in the thought or idea that my mother would get him groomed, or groom him herself. The mats hurt him, and he’s gets very angry when they’re touched. Rightfully so. We’d go to the Peace Corps, and come back to see our dog looking like some homeless stray and would have to shave him bald. I just don’t trust that he’d be very well taken care of.

6. My sister is a total bitch and I don’t want her touching my dog. I don’t even want to get into the logistics of the lack of relationships we have, nor the lack of shits I give about it, but I don’t want her touching my dog. I want his shots, his updated medical exams, whatever, done by a fucking professional. I am not, and have never been, one of those people who do that shit on my own. I will not ever administer shots to Apollo alone, nor will Husband. I will never DIY immunizations or boosters, or any of that shit. I don’t want her bullshitting around and giving Apollo a shot and having to receive a phone call about the consequences of her incompetence. I hate her, I hate seeing her, I hate the thought of Apollo being anywhere near her when I’m not around.

I don’t think I can leave him here for two years, let alone in the care of my mother, but she’s our only choice. I couldn’t ask anyone to take him for two years, because having a dog is a really big responsibility. At least with my mother, I know she loves him. She sucks at taking care of him, but she does love him, and he loves her. So, although I’m technically not leaving a child behind, that’s exactly what it feels like.

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Baby Steps

This “medical leave” has been a long, stressful, embarrassing situation for me. I was offered acceptance into my dream school and was there for two weeks before I had to withdraw for the year. There’s a really long backstory here explaining why.

So far, it’s been six months since I’ve been on medical leave and I was supposed to be starting the process to come OFF the medical leave back in January, but I just haven’t. I’m not even sure why. On most days it’s because I’m thoroughly convinced I’m done with NYU, because 1. I just don’t want to go back to the city, 2. I think I want to start the baby-creating process, and 3. I’m not sure if I’m even mentally ready to go back yet. The string of surgeries and pressures of this infertility thing have really chipped at my psyche and NYU needs my full and utmost attention.Then there are those days when I want to go back to school, because I need some normalcy back in my life. I need to move forward, and I miss school. I miss learning, and what better place to learn than at NYU!

Well, regardless of how ready I am or am not, I made one small step in the name of Progress today. I called my OB/GYN/Surgeon and asked him to create a document for me, to forward to my advisor, stating I am able to return to school this fall. He had to submit one to her last year saying that it was in my best interest if I took a medical leave, and I decided to take if for the duration of the year. He said he’d do it. He said he’d work on the document and fax it to her as soon as he could.

Baby steps.

Even if Husband and I decide before school starts in September that we really, truly, don’t want to go back to NYC, that’s ok. But in the meantime, I have to try and grab the reigns back from these situations in my life. I walked away from NYU last year feeling so humiliated and embarrassed. It was for my own good I suppose, but still. I can’t continue to sit around and wait for the universe to make these decisions for me.

I have to pick myself up and move on. Regardless of my fears of infertility, or making the wrong choice… sitting here, stagnant, doesn’t help. We have many decisions to make by the end of summer, and I’m just going to try to make the best out of the waiting period. This was a big step for me today. It felt good taking some control.

That’s why rehabilitation is all about right? Learning to regain control of your life, taking the power back, and becoming a better and smarter choice maker.

Maybe I'll be back.

Maybe I’ll be back.

Jenn & Tommy Sleep Alone

I’m not sure if there are real words to describe how hot it was last night. Imagine the sort of back-of-the-knee sweat, shirt sticking to your back, sheets suddenly feel like flannel, don’t even touch me because I’m so hot, kind of hot. It was bad. So hot that Apollo couldn’t even get comfortable. He must’ve moved to a new spot every few minutes: on the bed, on the floor, under the bed, by the door, in the closet, back on the bed, back to the floor…. And his coat is so overgrown. It’s been such a cold winter, that he needed the length. Husband and I plan to shave him down this weekend though. He short of passed out last night!

Mom’s AC unit has been broken for years. She’s got a terrible habit of NOT fixing things when they “break”. The AC unit in her car has been broken for just as long. This means that in the dead of summer, during the hottest of hottest days, in that nasty Southern humidity, my mother drives from work with no AC, during Rush Hour, to come to a house with no AC. It never bothered me much before, because I knew I would only have to endure the sweltering heat during my visits home. Now… We kind of live here again.

Husband was stripped down to almost nothing while Apollo was dramatically sprawled out on the floor panting heavily, when it occurred to me. My room has always been the hottest room in the summer, and the coldest room in the winter. However, the guest room, right across the hall from mine, has always been one of the more neutral rooms. Never as hot as mine, and never as cold.

“Babe, why don’t you go to the other room for a while and cool off. No one’s been in there so there’s no body heat, no lamp heat, nothing, and take Apollo with you please. He looks miserable,” I stupidly proclaimed to him thinking he’d walk into a 60 degree room and come back with an “all better” attitude. There’s no way he’d stay there anyway. There’s a twin bed in the room, and my 6’4, 290 husband looks ridiculous in it. I really did want him to cool off though, he’s so miserable when he’s hot. “Go.” I reassured him. “I’m fine, I’m not as hot as you are, just go babe.”

He went alright. Took the dog. Never came back.

I woke up all by myself. It must’ve gotten chilly really late into the night because I woke up under my sheet and blanket. I usually wake up alone because Husband leaves for work very early in the morning, but in this particular moment, I felt alone-r. I knew I missed it all. I missed watching him get ready in the morning by the flashlight on his phone because he never wants to turn on the light. I missed him creeping around the room as best he can because in actuality, he walks very loudly. I missed his daily struggle to find his clothes, because he can’t see. I missed his goodbye kiss on my cheek or shoulder, I missed the “I love you and I like you, see you later Wife.” Well, maybe I didn’t miss it, but I definitely slept right through it.

Friggin’ heat!! Damn you, Spring-time. Damn you!

Apollo's feeling much better.

Apollo’s feeling much better.

Little girl. King bed. Lonelier than ever.

Little girl. King bed. Lonelier than ever.

You Can’t Take a Baby to the Peace Corps Jenn!!!

With our Peace Corps interviews just 10 days away… I should be spending this time going over questions with Husband, and tweaking our answers to make sure we sound intelligent by limiting the “uhm’s” in case a question catches us off guard. I don’t want us to be ill prepared, but let’s face it, I’ve wanted to join the Peace Corps since HIGH SCHOOL, and Husband’s only recently learned of the Peace Corps, thanks to yours truly.

We should be spending this time shooting off any range of questions we can think of at each other and brushing up on our international affairs; the “goings-on’s” of the world… yet and still, with our Peace Corps interviews just 10 days away, there is only one thing on my mind….

…I want to have a baby…

Yea, talk about a wrench in the plans, huh!

I am not sure if it’s the hormonal surge because of my cycle this week, or if it’s because of the baby fever I cannot seem to shake. Whatever it is, the want, the desire, is so strong and so real, it’s almost annoying.

The Peace Corps is a two-year commitment, and for a normal woman, that’s not a big deal. For me, for someone with Endo & PCOS, it’s a very long, very big gamble.
What also sucks, is that most days, I can’t decide which want outweighs the other. The pros/cons are equal. Of course on a super emotional day, babies win. But on those days where I’m fed up with my parents or America, for that matter, Peace Corps takes the cake.

Husband is so lovingly unhelpful. “Whatever you want to do babe, I’m right with you.” “I want a baby too, but I would also love to do the Peace Corps, it’s so noble.” “I don’t know babe, it’s your decision.”

Thanks.

One of my sorority sisters is having a baby and although I am OVERJOYED for her, I’m a little jealous. She’s shopping for baby furniture and posting them on Instagram, and every time I run across a photo, it’s like a jab in the heart. I’m not saying she’s purposely doing this to me, I’ve never even shared my infertility troubles with her, but I want a baby! Well, maybe even more than wanting a baby, in the flesh, right now… I want TO BE ABLE to have a baby. Whenever that time comes, I want to be able to give my husband a child.

Perhaps that’s why this upcoming interview is freaking me out a bit. I am just worried that two years after service, my body isn’t going to cooperate. Hell, it isn’t cooperating now.

Then again, I’ve been reading and following so many Peace Corps blogs and with each post, I get more excited to go! I am just so excited to be interviewing with the man of my dreams. Can you imagine it? Living out one of my childhood “Save The World” dreams with my main man, Husband?! I can’t wait. Living in a mud hut, shitting in a hole, teaching students, being immersed in culture and language… what a magnificently, life-changing opportunity.

Yea, see. I want each one just as bad as the other.

How would you choose?

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The In-Betweeners

If we don’t get a space of our own, or some privacy for God’s sake, SOON… We’re going to explode.

Husband and I are, uhm, in between spaces right now. We’re in that awkward phase between moves, where our rent was up, and we haven’t decided where we’re moving to next, so to keep from living in our cars, or signing and breaking a lease, we ended up at our parent’s…. yea….

It’s very tense and touchy. See, we can’t exactly get a place because I might be going back to NYU in the fall, well, that is unless the Peace Corps works out, then we’d do that instead. Basically, we’re camping out between our parent’s places. Husband is working in Athens, where his dad lives, and my mom lives in Lithonia, about an hour away. So, when we get annoyed with one parent, we move on the next parent’s place. It’s frustrating, and getting old. We can’t keep up with our belongings, we don’t get any privacy, and we’re completely out of our element.

My husband is grown. Like, 32 years old grown. Military veteran grown. Oh, and I’m pretty grown too! I mean, I’ve lived, I’ve traveled, and I’ve got a degree. I’m 24, but hell, I’m married and THAT means I needz my space. At my mom’s house there’s two dogs (excluding mine), and a sister I don’t like. My mom is so OCD about everything that it makes it difficult to be in communal spaces with her. Plus she’s so loud. She makes the most ungodly ruckus every chance she gets, AND she works from home!!! So, that means, we get special access to her kitchenette band practice early Saturday & Sunday mornings. I didn’t know she was in a band, or how many people are in it, but judging by the noise and the variety of instruments, I’d say there’s at least 6 people in it and there favorite instruments are the pots, pans, pantry doors, and the got-damn refrigerator. They aren’t very good. Not only that, every conference call is frustrating. We can’t use the kitchen when she’s working in there. We can’t walk up and down her stupid creaky steps. Apollo can’t make a sound. Come on lady. Take your ass to your office. In the basement. Jesus.

Husband is a giant. 6’4. 290. He walks hard. Hell, he moves strong. Nothing in his path is safe. Apparently, he’s supposed to be as light as a feather. Everyday, “Jennifer, your husband is so loud. I was on a conference call and I could hear him on call.” Oh sorry, I left the clouds in the car, I’ll be sure to bring them in so he can walk on them next time.

“Jennifer, he eats so much. I don’t know if I can keep up with him.” Yes mom, he’s a big man. I’m pretty sure a normal meal for you, is a snack for him. No one can get by on that “carrot and a cup of coffee” excuse you call a meal. We need FOOD. Real food.

We went to a movie this weekend, and six minutes into it my phone rings, “Jennifer, uhm, I forgot my key. Are you far away?” Apparently, and I didn’t know this but, the movie theater will pause your movie for you or completely refund your money with good reason, like “Mom’s got issues.” And she does.

No where is safe, his dad’s house is not a space I am familiar with, so I don’t feel comfortable there for long periods of time, just like I’m sure Husband hates being at my mom’s for too long. His dad’s got a girlfriend and works late, which means he’s not there much or for veylong, which is great for us. Unfortunately, I don’t know my way around Athens, so when he’s at work all day long, Apollo and I are stuck in the house with nothing to do. So we sit and wait, and when that time comes, we’re sitting at the door like little puppies waiting on Husband to walk through the door. It’s pretty pitiful.

His mom lives in North Carolina. She remarried and her living quarters are… exhausting. My dad also remarried and lives in Jasper, GA. Those two parents are the farthest away from us and we don’t get to visit much because of Husband’s schedule.

We’re just ready for our own space again. I am ready for a decision to be made so we can have our privacy back. No noise is a noise we didn’t make. We can walk as hard as we want, eat whatever we want, Apollo can play around and not be attacked and thrown around by my mother’s unruly, untrained dogs, and we can finally put the duffle bags away. I am sick of living out of bags.

The minute we make a decision of where to go to next, I am bolting out of here, Husband & Pooch in hand, and not looking back, and I don’t want to SEE another family member until I say so!

squiggle face

This in-between phase SUCKS.

-Jenn